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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?