This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the TV Letdowns of the Year.

As we consider the television landscape of the recent year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from awkward sequels to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with dreadful scripts, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, fans undeniably found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this show's issues. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The hilariously wooden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are forced to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a marketing brochure. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for explicit escapades as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.

Jesse Wagner
Jesse Wagner

Eleanor Whitmore is a lifestyle journalist and luxury brand consultant based in London.